Tuesday, October 28, 2008


This isn't entirely anonymous, because I am too lazy to make a new blogger profile that isn't associated with my email address or my other blog or contain my name, etc.

But since I don't have time to get involved in the online community (hell, I barely have time to breathe, most days) then I don't think this is going to get a lot of traffic, and I don't think anyone I care about will see it.

Why is this here? Well, because I'm dieting, and I don't want anyone to know. My best friend has lost a huge amount of weight this past year, and she looks fantastic, but she doesn't want me to go on a diet. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's because she wants to be the skinny one. Maybe it's because she doesn't want to feel like we're competing. Maybe it's because I am, as she said, "completely miserable" when I'm dieting and she doesn't want to put up with me.

Well, whatever. She doesn't need to know. I've been on Weight Watchers for almost 3 weeks now, and only one person knows. (Well, I suspect my husband knows, because he's not dumb, but since I haven't said anything to him about it, he's not bringing it up, and he'll probably leave it at that.)

It's not like I'm doing it for either of them. I'm doing it because I'm scared of being the fat one. Because I'm sick of outweighing my husband, who's close to a foot taller than me (and isn't exactly a featherweight, himself). Because my knee gave out this summer, not from injury but from the simple, prolonged stress of holding up my 250+ frame for the past ten years. Because whenever I stopped to think about how much I was eating, I disgusted myself. Because I know too many fat people with awful personalities and I don't want to get lumped in with them. Because I want my kids to grow up with the good eating habits that I somehow failed to learn.

Because it was, as they say, time to shit or get off the pot.

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