All Hallow's Eat Eve

Over the last fifteen years of on-again-off-again dieting, I have learned some things.

One of them is that I'm not good at moderation. I like to fill my plate. I like to go back for seconds and thirds. I can't stand the idea of eating just one candy bar, or just one serving of chips. (I have been known to buy a six-pack of candy bars and eat the whole thing in a sitting -- not meaning to, it just... happens. And not rarely, either.)

One of the things I'm doing right this time (so far, anyway) is snack management. I bring my snack to work with me -- a piece of fruit, usually. Grape tomatoes. Steamed broccoli. I am scrupulously -- religiously -- avoiding the office snack bar, which operates on an honor system and even helpfully provides an IOU sheet. It is OFF. LIMITS. TO ME. Even if I can fit a bag of chips into my day's points (which I usually can -- I tend to clock in under-limit by 2-4 points a day, not even counting activity points earned, or the week's bonus points) I just can't do it. One bag of chips would fit into my diet; four would not. And as soon as I caved, it would be four. I can't not go back.

Weirdly, this isn't ironclad. I had some Tostitos with my chili a week or so ago. (I weighed them out, and scooped up chili with them.) I had a candy bar in the last ten minutes before work was over, and ate it as slowly as I could, so I wouldn't have time to go back for more. But it's the sort of thing that really should remain an exception rather than the rule for at least the next six months -- no more than weekly, say.

This is a horrible time of year for me to diet, though. Christmas is coming. And before that, my son's birthday. And before that, Thanksgiving and my husband's birthday. And before that, my birthday. And before that... Hallowe'en.

Oh, gods, Hallowe'en. We have two big bags of candy at home -- there are a gazillion kids in our neighborhood. Nerds and Laffy Taffy; and Snickers and M&Ms and Twix. Favorites of mine, all. (Not to mention the bag of caramel-flavored candy corn.)

Gods know I want all of it. I could try to be good, fit it into the plan like I'm supposed to... The little boxes of Nerds are 1 point each. The Laffy Taffy is 3 points for 5 pieces. The candy corn is 3 points for a tiny handful of 22 pieces. The chocolate ones are all 2-3 points each. And they're so little... It adds up fast. I could give myself a tiny sample of each and dole it out to myself over the space of a week or two.

Or I could dip into my "overhead" budget and have one actual splurge, fifteen or twenty points' worth of candy, all crammed into one glorious binge, and then brace myself to not even look at the stuff that will be out on offer, for free, in the office kitchen next week.

(Theoretically, I ought to not have any at all. Not with three birthdays and Thanksgiving and Christmas all crammed into the next two months. But... Well, I don't want to do that.)

I wish I could decide which option to go with.